You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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