but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
