I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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