If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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