Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
