He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
