I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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