so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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