I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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