I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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