I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
