You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
