Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
