Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
