i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
