Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
