You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
