I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
