lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
