i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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