the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
