My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
