which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
