I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
