The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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