Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
