I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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