Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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