I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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