I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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