We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
