its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
