I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
