She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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