If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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