I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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