I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
