I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
