lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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