you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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