In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
