Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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