absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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