eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
