Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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