planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
