Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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