the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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