We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
