I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
