i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
