i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
