goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
