That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
