I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
