i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
