You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
