I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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