I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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