It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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