with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
