i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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