evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
