While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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