No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
