At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
